Being Vulnerable

Hi lovely ladies. In fact, hello everyone; including any marvellous men that this may reach too. I’m about to talk about something that is probably going to be a little uncomfortable for some of you to read, and some of you may think that this is far too much information to be sharing. Honestly, I’ve questioned whether this is the right thing for me to do A LOT, because it’s putting myself out there and being totally vulnerable about something private and personal that I’ve had to cope with. My decision to share has been fuelled by the powerful desire that, as women, information and understanding about our own bodies should be made more readily available to us, so that when things go wrong we feel we have the tools necessary to understand what’s happening in some small way and can therefore cope and overcome things more easily.

So, here are some questions before I begin:

• Have you ever heard of Bartholin Glands?
• Did you realise that every woman has two of these?
• As women, do you know that you have them and what purpose they serve?

From my own experience I can tell you that most people have no clue these things exist; I didn’t until something started to go wrong with them in my early 20’s.

(WARNING: By all means Google ‘Bartholin Gland’, but if you’re of sensitive disposition I’d advise against looking at the images related to it, and it’s probably not something you should be looking at during work hours!)

For those who don’t Google everything they don’t know, I’ll explain very simply what the glands are, and what purpose they serve:

• Women are born with 2 of these glands, each sitting either side of the vaginal opening.
• In their healthy state they’re probably about the size of a pea, and you probably wouldn’t really know they were there.
• Their job is to produce lubrication during sexual arousal.
• For various reasons (that even Doctors don’t fully agree on) sometimes the duct that drains the gland becomes blocked and a cyst forms.
• If this cyst becomes infected an abscess forms, which is one of the most excruciatingly painful things ever – and a lot of women coping with these issues say the pain far outweighs childbirth.

I can totally see some of you cringing right now and wondering why the hell I’m talking about something that is connected to something personal, private and (oh my gosh) to do with sex! But that’s the thing, isn’t it? Why shouldn’t we talk openly about things like this? Is it not important that we understand how our bodies work, so we know when things might not be working as they should?

In my early 20’s I found a lump. Generally, lumps are pretty frightening things to find, and our minds quite often fly to the most serious of diagnosis. I was told that I had a Bartholin cyst, and that it should be fine to be left as it was, even though it was quite large. I lived with it for a few years before it developed into an abscess while I was away in America for 3 months. Luckily it seemed to calm down after a few days, but it began my surgical journey when I returned back to the UK. There are a few different surgical procedures that are supposed to stop the cysts from forming, but after finding a wonderful support group full of women from all over the world suffering from the same problems, it quickly became apparent that for a large majority surgery never solves things for very long. Unfortunately, due to the small percentage of women that display symptoms there hasn’t been much research into why these things happen for some and not others. Surgery also comes with its own problems, including the build up of scar tissue and nerve damage, and thus one problem is often replaced with others. In the end I had 2 surgeries that ultimately didn’t work long-term, and so I had to fight for over a year to have my gland removed completely. I literally had to prove to a panel of strangers that it effected my life enough to warrant surgery, because according to the system it classed as ‘cosmetic surgery’. There’s all sorts of feelings around being told that what I was going through was classed as cosmetic, as though I was making it all up and exaggerating how it effected my life every single day. It was my body, and yet other people were deciding what did or didn’t happen to it.

My experience has taught me a few things. Firstly, that I felt unable to talk openly about what was happening to me. Due to the fact that no one seemed to know what Bartholin Glands were, I could not even vaguely explain what was wrong without answering the question: ‘What’s a Bartholin Gland?’ and honestly, it’s a little embarrassing having to explain things like that. That’s the second issue I’ve come across, the embarrassment and shame that I’ve felt when suffering from this and feeling isolated because I can’t openly discuss it. I feel that this has a lot to do how wrapped up the gland is literally in a female’s sexual organs, and how it can still feel shameful to talk about things relating to this. The world has definitely improved in terms of openness and acceptance, and there has been a lot of publicity about invisible illnesses, such as Crohn’s etc. However, I think there’s some level of understanding when it comes to a condition that everyone has some point to reference to. We may not fully understand what it’s like to have a debilitating condition, but we all have a digestive system and a lot of us have suffered from food poisoning etc at some point. (Please note, I’m NOT saying that these things are in any way similar, but people find it much easier to understand and empathise when they have a personal experience they can relate things to. I.E. “Oh I once had food poisoning, it was awful! I can’t imagine what it’s like to have to cope with worse every single day!”)

It would be quite simple to include Bartholin Glands into biology lessons, or even sex education lessons. I believe they now include aspects of body confidence and the fact that sex is actually supposed to be enjoyable, so why not talk about how our female body works with us in this aspect? In this instance I talk only about women, but truly we should all know how our bodies work, and what everything does, so that we can understand and know when things aren’t working as they should. This is linked a lot to a greater level of care and empathy needed from medical professionals. I have met a few GP’s in my local surgery that have gone out of their way to support my case as I fought for surgery, but interestingly when I went to see Consultants something seemed to have got lost in translation. I have been talked down to, told no one would do what I was asking (when it was obvious that was not the case) and made to feel like I was a silly little girl that didn’t know what she was talking about. Yet, it is my body and one I have lived with for 29 years. We should be allowed to hold the power over our own bodies, and the reassurance that we know if things aren’t working as they should. In this instance it makes me think of those women who have intuitively known that something was very wrong but weren’t given cervical screenings because of their age. They had to fight for it, and in the end,  they were proved right when they were finally diagnosed with having cervical cancer – sometimes this was unfortunately too late.

As women, we are still fighting for a more open level of discussion about our bodies, and our sexuality. We should be empowered and not ashamed to speak of the difficulties, and the triumphs. We should be supported in our journeys, no matter how difficult or messy they are.